I know I promised I wasn’t going to be all gushy about wedding stuff, and I think that so far, I’ve done a pretty good job of not talking too much about wedding planning. However, I’ve just got to get this off my chest.
Recently, I had an epiphany: I don’t want a big wedding. I don’t even want a medium-sized wedding. Ever since we got engaged, I’ve been saying over and over again how I have zero interest in wedding planning, but I was still trying to force myself to do it. Why? Mostly because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You’re supposed to have a wedding, and invite all your family and friends, and have the cake, and the bridesmaid dresses, and the flowers, and boutonnieres and place-settings and a DJ and a first dance and all that crap. It’s “expected.” And I was stressing myself the eff out trying to be something that I’m not, and do something neither Ben nor I really want for ourselves. We just want to get married. Look nice. Take some nice pictures. Have a nice dinner. Nothing fancy. Nothing expensive. And we want to be ACTUALLY MARRIED sooner rather than later–like before Christmas soon. And then have a big, raging BBQ reception/celebration some time next summer.
I shot my parents an email last week, so that my dad could try to finagle a sort of enhanced elopement-style, immediate family only wedding during the off-season at the Inn he runs, maybe between the end of “leaf peeper” season and the beginning of the holidays. I figured this would be welcome news, considering that my parents are currently recovering from their own recent move, and because my dad’s job has been very stressful lately.
I think I broke my mother. She texted me oh-so-casually the day after I emailed them with some variation of “surprised by your change in wedding plans, but happy.” Um… what plans? We never had a plan. We’d been kicking some ideas around but hadn’t gotten anywhere near any formal “plans.” Of course I didn’t say that.
I explained we just wanted to be married ASAP and on the cheap. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” Yes. “This day is all about the bride, so if it’s about cost we’ll help as much as we can.” Well, actually, it’s not all about the bride. Society may make it out that way, but Ben definitely gets to have a say–an equal opinion in what we chose to do (or not do). Especially because we’re planning to pay for most of this ourselves. Of course I didn’t say that.
I simply said that we didn’t want the stress of planning a wedding. “Dad and I can do all that. Don’t cheat yourself out of something because of money or stress. This is the most meaningful day of your life.” First of all, you guys can’t plan my wedding. Dad works full time and you’re a walking talking stress ball–wedding planning is the last thing I’d add to your plate. And if I’m not willing to plan my own wedding, I’m certainly not going to pawn it off on my parents. Secondly, I’m not “cheating” myself out of anything. I DON’T WANT A BIG FANCY WEDDING. Thirdly, this is not the most meaningful day of my life. I mean, yes, it’s momentous and huge and wonderful–I will be embarking on a life-long adventure with my partner. But at the end of the day, the how isn’t what matters. Whether we had 100 guests or 10 won’t matter. We’ll forget what the cake tasted like, and we won’t remember what we ate for dinner. All that matters is that at the end of it, we’re hitched. I don’t want to spend my wedding day playing hostess, running around and greeting everyone and observing all the social niceties–I want to get drunk and hang out with my husband. Plus, we’d rather save all the money most people spend on wedding hoo-ha and put a down payment on a house next year… But of course, I didn’t say any of that.
Really, Mom, this is what we want. I’ve never been one of those girls with a fantasy wedding planned out since I was 5.
I know she only wants me to have everything I could ever dream of, but it just makes me laugh because it’s so 100% my mother that I can’t even be frustrated. And thankfully, she has three other daughters who will (hopefully, maybe) someday tie the knot and fulfill her obvious desire for a big, frilly wedding.
All you married folks, did you go all-out for your wedding, or did you keep it small and simple?