What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Last night, reality came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.

I got home from rehearsal at 10:15 and was in a stupor. I just suddenly realized all the shit that I’ve got going on for the next few months and was almost paralyzed. Mary Poppins opens in 22 days. I’m running a marathon in 80 days. Between now and April 1, I will be at rehearsal every single Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 6:45 – 10 pm, and from 12:45 – 5 on Sundays. And after the show opens, I have performances Thursday – Sunday with two shows on Saturdays. AND during this time I will be running 4 times a week, anywhere between 3 – 16 miles at a time. How am I going to survive this? How?

I knew I should just try to relax and go to bed, but I couldn’t. Instead, I did what I always do when I’m on the verge of a freakout: anything and everything I can to feel like I’m in control. I washed dishes. I cooked and packed my lunch for today. I did some strength exercises because I had skipped spin class that morning. And then when I finally did get into bed, I couldn’t sleep because of all the worries and fears rolling around in my head.

How am I going to sleep? Eat? See Ben? See my friends? Get through work? Have the energy to complete my scheduled runs? And still remain sane? I’m not quite sure. I mean, yeah, theoretically I know I’ll get through it, but right now I’m feeling totally overwhelmed and more than a little bit scared. Up until now, I had just sort of assumed that everything would magically be OK, but the reality of how busy and stressful this next month is going to be has finally hit.

Logically, I’m sure everything will work out just fine. I’ve got Coach Suz to help me manage training, and I’ve got Ben to help me manage life, but it’s just frustrating that once again, I’ve over-committed myself without thinking about the consequences. It sucks when the things that are supposed to bring me joy just end up stressing me out. More than ever, I’m looking forward to NOT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING this summer.

Do you habitually over-commit like me? Please tell me I’m not alone in this…

20 thoughts on “What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

  1. allisonfiorini says:

    I am a huge over committer, especially when I feel like I will let people down. I recently just said no to a coworker when she asked a favor of me (wanted me to go on a work trip in her place THE WEEK OF THE BOSTON MARATHON WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF) and I said no. I didn’t give an explanation, just said I couldn’t, and she was visibly disappointed but something refreshing happened. I didn’t care and I felt FREE!

    So my two suggestions are: on the things you are already committed to, you can only worry about one day at a time. Focus on today and focus on what you can do and control today. In the future, the whole saying no thing – super awesome and I highly recommend it 🙂 It’s hard to say no to fun things though. I get that. Oh yeah and remember your post about your upcoming summer? Think of that often and know that this too shall pass 🙂 You GOT DIS, sista!

  2. veryrach says:

    Ya know, whenever I start to get stressed out about the things I’ve committed to, I try to remember my rules: The more stressed you feel now, the better you will feel when its over. Also, the more stressed you feel, the prouder you feel when it’s over – that you made it through, that you CAN do hard things, and you can survive it!! You got this!! One/Two crazy months will be totally worth it when you look back at the end of the year and think about how awesome you are and how accomplished you feel!

  3. dgobs says:

    My eye just started twitching in sympathy! 😉 I have a tendency to over-commit too, especially with work stuff. I’d much rather be over-committed with running and play awesomeness than writing grants while doing committee work while taking a class while still trying to do the work I was hired to do… though that’s just me. You’ll get through it, and then you can enjoy the sweet, sweet summer even more!

  4. SuzLyfe says:

    GIRL if you ever have that moment in the future call/text/send smoke signals. It is ok to feel overwhelmed, but if anything, don’t worry about the marathon. Use your marathon training as a sort of comfort–you know what you are going to get, what is coming, and that you can do it. And if you have to miss a workout, you miss a workout. Just commit above all else to your long runs, and get 80% of the rest of it done, and you will be golden.
    Seriously. I’m always here!

  5. hellyontherun says:

    Yup!!! Over-committer here!! Like others have said, you gotta learn to say no. Not just to others, but to yourself! I had to learn that recently with saying no to races I really want to do. My body needs to rest and I need to refocus; I can’t do ALL the races!! lol!!

    I said a big NO to my job at the end of last year. I know it’s not something everyone can do but in relation to what I mentioned ^^, it’s not just about saying no to people, but to things that aren’t making you happy/not worth your time. Looks to me like the things you have coming up are things you WANT to do so enjoy yourself getting ready for them–say no to the stuff you don’t really want to do. You got this!! And, you seem to have an amazing support system in Ben and in your Coach 🙂

    • DarlinRae says:

      Thanks, Helly! I just feel a bit gobsmacked today, that’s all. Like I wasn’t really understanding what I had going on until it was too late, and now I have no choice but to just grit my teeth and push through. These are definitely things I’m excited about, so I just need to remember that when things get crazy!

  6. txa1265 says:

    I love that you chose to rant/vent … sometimes blogs are just too controlled. 🙂

    There is a saying:
    – “How do you eat an elephant?”
    – “One bite at a time”

    It sounds silly, but it is a great way to look at life. I can look at all the stuff I have going on between work and running and my two kids and my marriage (and house and dogs and cats and cars and … ) – and it can seem so impossible and overwhelming … but my running is my energy ball, my wife is my foundation, my kids are my joy, and I thrive on the crazy stress of work. Somehow I stay chill throughout it all.

    You’ve got this …

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