Last night, reality came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.
I got home from rehearsal at 10:15 and was in a stupor. I just suddenly realized all the shit that I’ve got going on for the next few months and was almost paralyzed. Mary Poppins opens in 22 days. I’m running a marathon in 80 days. Between now and April 1, I will be at rehearsal every single Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 6:45 – 10 pm, and from 12:45 – 5 on Sundays. And after the show opens, I have performances Thursday – Sunday with two shows on Saturdays. AND during this time I will be running 4 times a week, anywhere between 3 – 16 miles at a time. How am I going to survive this? How?
I knew I should just try to relax and go to bed, but I couldn’t. Instead, I did what I always do when I’m on the verge of a freakout: anything and everything I can to feel like I’m in control. I washed dishes. I cooked and packed my lunch for today. I did some strength exercises because I had skipped spin class that morning. And then when I finally did get into bed, I couldn’t sleep because of all the worries and fears rolling around in my head.
How am I going to sleep? Eat? See Ben? See my friends? Get through work? Have the energy to complete my scheduled runs? And still remain sane? I’m not quite sure. I mean, yeah, theoretically I know I’ll get through it, but right now I’m feeling totally overwhelmed and more than a little bit scared. Up until now, I had just sort of assumed that everything would magically be OK, but the reality of how busy and stressful this next month is going to be has finally hit.
Logically, I’m sure everything will work out just fine. I’ve got Coach Suz to help me manage training, and I’ve got Ben to help me manage life, but it’s just frustrating that once again, I’ve over-committed myself without thinking about the consequences. It sucks when the things that are supposed to bring me joy just end up stressing me out. More than ever, I’m looking forward to NOT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING this summer.
Do you habitually over-commit like me? Please tell me I’m not alone in this…