Oh, hey there. Long time, no see. It’s been about six months since I last published a post here. It’s no secret that I’ve felt ambivalent about blogging for a long time, and recent events have caused me to feel that even more so. It just seems like the blogging “boom” has passed, and people favor Instagram and more quickly consumable media these days. But I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed sharing. This blog has always been more like a public diary for me than anything else, and it’s nice to look back and see what I was up to at various points in my past. So here I am again. We’ll see how long it lasts.
When last I wrote, I was an injured runner. Those of you who have continued following along on Instagram know that this is still true, mostly because I got pregnant this summer before I was able to get an x-ray for diagnosis. We were trying for baby number two, but I honestly didn’t expect to be successful so quickly, and pregnancy plus unnecessary radiation is kind of a no-no. But that means I haven’t run in six months. I can’t even really go for walks without pain. I have to wear shoes constantly, or else I’m super limpy. I have some very stylish Croc sandals for “house shoes.” And I’m six months pregnant, so I’m exhausted and sore and not really working out at all. I aspire to be doing more at-home prenatal workouts, but it’s HARD to make the time and find the motivation.
So what have I been up to? I’m still home full time with Vera, which is both the hardest and best job I’ve ever had. She’s now eighteen months old and, most of the time, an absolute delight. She’s smart, outgoing, and so good-natured. We make our rounds of the local play groups and story hours, spend time with family, and do lots of reading and play at home. She sleeps through the night and takes one two-ish hour a nap per day, but it can be as little as one hour or as long as three hours depending on the day, so it can be hard to plan out my time. We also live “in the boonies,” so it can be hard to get to the bigger activities or play spaces while constrained by her current schedule, and our world can feel very small.
Other than momming, I don’t have too much going on. I recently joined the board of my favorite local community theatre group, which is cool and interesting, but really not all that time-consuming. I have a couple of meetings a month and am obligated to go see shows and support my friends (which I would do anyway). It’s good to have meetings that force me to put on pants and talk to adults, but it’s not exactly socialization. I’m still not going a great job of making time for my friendships, but I’m working on it. The whole “living in the boonies” thing really doesn’t help with maintaining friendships.
Another recent development is that I’ve deleted my Twitter account and abandoned my “fitness” IG. I realized I was spending way too much time looking at stuff that wasn’t serving me and it was actually making me feel less good about myself. I’m back on Facebook, but mostly use it as a way to find events and stay connected with people I actually care about. I still kind of hate it, but feel like it’s a necessary evil at this point in my life. Instagram is still my favorite form of social media, but even it is becoming a time suck, and I spend more time scrolling than I do posting or commenting and connecting.
I have recently become more interested than ever in the low/zero waste movement, and have been taking some steps in my own life to reduce my consumption and the amount of trash I and my family produce. It’s hard, because plastic and other trash are EVERYWHERE and in EVERYTHING, usually unnecessarily so. It also takes time and often costs more to switch to more sustainable products, and we have very little disposable income because Ben is the only one working. Having my sewing machine back in action has helped a lot. I’ve made my own “unpaper towels” and cloth napkins, and I’m in the process of making reusable cotton flannel facial rounds to replace cotton balls. I have a lot more I want to do, but we just don’t have the money right now.
And of course, I’m growing another human. Which takes a lot of time and energy. I haven’t been a good sleeper for a long time, but it’s compounded by pregnancy. I wake up 3-4 times a night due to my bladder, or hip pain, or who the hell knows. I often spend Vera’s naptime just sitting on my butt, knitting or reading, because that’s all I have the energy to do. I wish I could actually nap, but I’ve never been a napper. I just don’t fall asleep quickly or deeply enough to be worth it. I have plenty of projects I should be doing, like painting the new baby’s dresser, or sorting and washing baby clothes, but I just CANNOT right now. My house is semi-clean and I take a shower every day and that’s about all I can manage.
In general I feel pretty stagnant. I am in the trenches of life with small children, and while I know it’s a season of life that will someday pass, probably faster than I think, most days I feel like I’m just not contributing very much to society and have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I have a lot of fitness goals that I’d still like to accomplish, but they are on hold until after pregnancy and possibly even until after I’m finished breastfeeding baby number two. Right now I’m just focused on having a somewhat healthy pregnancy and getting this baby into the world with both of us healthy. I’ll figure out the rest later.