I can’t, I have to run…

I haven’t done a workout since my run on Monday.  Strangely, I don’t feel that guilty or worried about it.  I’ve had a nice week.  I got to have dinner with Ben’s parents, relax at home with my kitten while she recovered from surgery, and had a date night with Ben since he’s going to be gone all weekend.  I love running and I fully intend to keep up with my training and goals, but I also don’t want to sacrifice other things I love to do and let running become all-consuming.

i-can-t-i-have-rehearsal_designI was a theater major in college, and have been involved with the performing arts since I was 9 years old.  For a long time, theater and theater-related activities consumed my life.  I didn’t do any extra-curricular activities except drama and chorus until senior year of high school, at which point I joined dance team (hello, still performing) and the track team as a thrower (while still doing chorus and drama).  During my college years, I was always either in class, working, rehearsing, or driving to rehearsals all over the northern part of the state.  I’ve missed birthday parties, family vacations… Hell, I even missed my own high school graduation because I was at a theater internship.  While at the time I thought I was living the dream, and I had some really amazing experiences, I look back now on some of the things I missed and I’m like, Damn, was it worth it?  Maybe, maybe not.  And now, even though I still desperately love theater, I’m reluctant to get involved in a show because of the required time commitment.

So I don’t want running to be like that.  I don’t want to miss fun events just so I can hit the gym.  I don’t want to go to bed at 9 every night so I can wake up at the crack of dawn and run.  I don’t want to arrange my whole life around running like I did with theater.  I don’t want to trade “I can’t, I have rehearsal” for “I can’t, I have to run.”  And that’s ok.  I know this.  Running is fun.  It makes me feel strong and sexy and powerful.  I’m not trying to become an elite here, so I don’t have to be “in training” all the time.  It’s possible to find balance, and that’s what I intend to do.