After three incredibly rewarding, challenging weekends of performances, Chess the Musical is done. I feel… empty. I’m not really sure what to do with myself at the moment. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to have a life outside the structure of rehearsals and performances. I keep getting the feeling that I should be somewhere, doing something.. Obviously, I hope to get my training plan back in place, and resume having a social life, but it still feels weird. This show was my main focus for so long, and now it’s just over.
I am SO grateful that I got to have this experience. Taking it back to my Chasing My Passion post from a few weeks ago, I feel like this show was my chance to finally show the local community theatre scene what I’m capable of. I really think it’s going to open the door to more opportunities. I have gotten so many compliments and such excellent feedback, from friends and strangers alike. I feel sort of like I joined the “cool kids” club. People who’ve known me since I was 16 are suddenly saying “Oh my GOD, Rachel, I didn’t know you could do that!” People whose opinions I respect and people whose craft I admire SO MUCH are suddenly the ones complimenting me, and it’s strange and wonderful.
I’m having difficulty putting my feelings into words. I’m feeling a lot of relief, of course; I can give up my strict vocal maintenance routine of vitamins, Neti pot, allergy medicine, extra sleep, ALL THE WATER, and limited alcohol intake. I can stop being worried all the time that my voice is going to suddenly give out. I can stay up late and see my friends and maybe enjoy the tail-end of summer with some swimming and hiking. I can spend some much-needed quality time with my husband. But I’m also feeling not just a little bit of sadness; I’m not ready to say goodbye to this show, this character, this cast… I’ll miss the exultation I felt every night when I made it through the show with my voice intact. I’ll miss my friends and goofing around in the dressing room. I’ll miss rocking out during warm-ups. And to be honest, I’ll miss the accolades too. It’s pretty nice to be told all the time how talented and amazing you are, especially if you have trouble believing it yourself.
So yeah, lots of feelings are happening. I think I need to do some good ole-fashioned, introspective journaling over the next couple of days to process all of this. And I know that this “at-sea” feeling is temporary; it happens after every show. In spite of these post-show blues, I’m excited to jump back into training for Wine and Dine with both feet, and I’m excited for tap class and a few other fun things that are on my plate for the fall.
And for those of you who aren’t my Facebook friends, here are a few pictures from the show.